Daylight

Episode 7

Daylight

I had two suicide attempts in that little Jersey apartment. I was there for 4 years.  After the second failed I turned to God and begged for anything to stop the pain. It wasn’t long before he answered.

In November 2015, my father called me while I was at work. At the time I was selling commercial security systems in New York. He only said “Patrick, I would like you to come work for me.” He had started a cannabis company in Florida and there was an opening to work in government relations managing our lobbyists.  This was the single greatest phone call of my life.

I quickly gathered all that I could out of that terrible apartment in south Jersey and packed my car. I left most of the furniture.  My mother and I would drive there together. But before we took off, I had to stop and say goodbye to my 6-year-old daughter. 

No one can ever express how hard it is to say goodbye to your child.  I wouldn’t see her for many months and I knew that. We were together every other weekend before this. But the truth was, I couldn’t afford to feed her while at that security sales job. It was killing me.  I was also worried they would turn off the heat or power in my apartment while she was there.  I simply couldn’t afford to stay in Jersey.  I told myself, “This job will pay enough that I can care for her financially”.  She understood as much as a six-year-old can understand, but that last hug had an emotional pain to it I had never felt.

The trip took 4 days.  As soon as I got to Florida and felt that sun and felt the freedom that came with leaving New Jersey and my past behind, I became intoxicated.  Seeing the clear water of the ocean reminded me of what “living” was supposed to be.

I started out staying with my cousin. It was great. I needed family.  He was an investor in my father’s company and lived very close to him.  My father rolled out the red carpet at work. I had my own office, and everyone was very welcoming.  The job itself, however, was a bit confusing.  I was to work with our lobbyists, understand how the legislative process works, and speak on behalf of the company and our mission to truly be a “medical” cannabis company.

For the most part, I went to the capital and listened.  I met with some senators and house members so that I could better understand their position on cannabis. The goal was to allow for more companies to be licensed to sell cannabis in Florida. This would allow our company to be able to operate in the state.  This was a very hard sell. 

Outside of work, I was making mistakes. I had allowed friends and family to convince me that dating was a good idea. I knew deep down this was wrong. I had nothing to offer a woman and was coming out of the hardest time of my life.  I kept listening to the “life is for living” speech, so I dated.   It was a terrible decision. I picked terrible woman, and I was still a broken soul from the hard years in New Jersey. None of the dates or “relationships” went well.   Truly, it wasn’t all the fault of the women, and maybe they weren’t as bad as I thought.  But to put it simply, I did not make enough money even at this new job to successfully date these women.  I learned a hard lesson.

I had a quick heartbreak, but because everything else was going well, I didn’t dwell on it for more than a week or two.

The company would not be getting our cannabis license that year. So, we had to figure out another way to start making income. My father and his partners had heavily invested in another cannabis operation in Arizona. My father wanted me to move out there and run a cannabis wholesale operation.   I couldn’t have been happier.  I knew in my gut I would do well at this.

It would be in Arizona that I would experience true Mania.