The Project

Episode 10 The Project

My career had taken me back to Florida from my time in Arizona.  After 18 months driving around the state of Florida to meet with Physicians, I was completely burned-out.  Really, I looked like someone who was either very sick or in recovery from being sick. I was 40 pounds underweight. People were starting to comment again.

It was around September of 2019 that I was approached by my company’s leadership to take on a new project.  We met at our headquarters.  The project was essentially launching a whole new product line. The product line was non-psychoactive. It still had many of the benefits of our regular cannabis line of products but without any psychoactive ingredients. It also was packaged and sold using the same delivery mechanisms our cannabis products were using.  It was topicals, transdermal patches and meter-dosed inhalers.  The idea, as explained to me, was that these products could potentially get into markets that were outside of the regulated cannabis markets.  These did not have to be sold in dispensaries. They could be sold to much larger distribution channels. 

The over-arching theme of this meeting was that we needed to get into a big-box retail store.  I immediately said to leadership that I had never done this before.  I explained that I didn’t even know where to begin.  Someone in leadership explained that he had a connection with a COO of a big-box store in Arizona, and that he was told they would “give us a shot”.  This made things interesting. It meant that I could learn the processes and leverage this relationship which could lead to more box stores and better shelf space (shelf space is key in large retail). I was also told that this wasn’t going to be a big priority for the company and that I, and my two teammates, would have to design most of this new venture ourselves. They offered me double what I was making.  I said that I would think about it.

I went to lunch with our chemist who was part of this new launch. He said that the product was already made and that he could really use my expertise. I explained that I could not afford to lose my job if this didn’t work. I explained that I was miserable in my current role but at least I was somewhat safe.  The chemist, and very close friend, said that he needed me on this and he would consider this a big favor. I said I would do it.

 I want to make sure I get this across. I took that job because a friend asked for a favor.  This is something that is well documented about bipolars.  We are yes people when it comes to people we care about.  We will disregard what our thoughts, emotions and, most importantly, our common-sense tell us to do if someone we care about is in need.

One week later I began working on this project.  We had nothing but product then. Just packaged products with no pricing, no website and no distribution channels.  The first month was just about the basic logistics; pricing and website.  I also wanted a pitch deck for this meeting that our man in leadership had set up in Arizona.  We needed to work fast. We had only that first month before we needed to be in Arizona to present.

It was this very first month that my manic side started to act up again. I was becoming obsessed with this project. I was working around the clock to prepare us for what I then believed to be an amazing opportunity.  My wife would have to remind me to eat at least once a day. She also noticed I was pacing a lot and talking to myself constantly.  I explained that I was just working through our pitch.

“Game day” for the pitch arrived in the first week of November. We showed up at the headquarters of this big-box retail store.  Our man asked to speak with the COO. He explained that he was good friends with him and that he was expecting us. We were told that this man, the COO, hadn’t worked there for 6 months.  They explained that they had no idea we were coming in.  I was shocked. However, these two wonderful women invited us in anyway, indicated they made the purchasing decisions, and allowed us to pitch our product to them.

The pitch went well. We made the product look great.  However, when it came to some of their questions such as: How are you distributed now?  What do your sales numbers look like?  How much do you know about our transportation needs?  What do you know about our inventory requirements? Etc.  We didn’t have the answers. We were relying on this relationship that we had come to find out didn’t exist.

I remember walking out and grabbing beer with both our man in corporate and my friend the chemist. I should have been furious that we had been lied to about this mythical “in”.  I should have stopped right there and said, “I think I am out”.  I should have asked for my old job back and explained that I went into this project under a false pretense. But I was already in a manic state. I looked at this as a challenge.  One that could be done even with the VERY limited resources we were given. It just meant I had to work harder.   I had never been more determined to win.  I would return home and brainstorm!!!

Now I can’t tell you why I just didn’t sell this stuff to the physicians I had been talking to for 18 months. Other companies had been doing it. I could have just driven with samples to the 3500 doctors’ offices that were selling this kind of stuff and just worked until we ran out of inventory. That would have been a win, a small win, but a win, nonetheless.  But when this idea started, the intent was to get into big box stores and, with the manic state I was in, I  wasn’t going stop until we had real distribution.  This was going to be war!!

The next 9 months are a blur. I was cold calling mid-size retailers to see if I could get meetings.  This went on for quite some time.  I had no luck. I knew we needed a broker to get into these places (brokers have relationships with big-box retail and they understand their processes and procedures. They also know the purchasing managers).   I also realized the company wasn’t going to pay any upfront money or give up any profit for a job they were convinced I could do myself.  I was stuck.  It wasn’t long before I started doing something I call “working sideways”.

Working sideways is something that happens to me when I am manic.  I am not moving anything forward; I am needlessly creative for no particular reason.  It feels amazing when you are in this manic state. You feel like you are trying to do something no one else has ever done.  So, this ego trip begins to spiral out of control.  At this point in time, I had the idea that I could just get us into little stores in as many states as possible, and this would look good to our board, buy us some time and maybe some resources.  I also had one more idea that I had started to become obsessed with.

The new idea was co-branding. I knew our chemist had made a non-psychoactive powder that could be used as an ingredient for both beverages as well as food that was baked.  I thought this co-branding idea could get our foot in the door and help me understand the processes of big -box retail by “piggybacking” off an established brand .  It was the right time too. CBD was hot at this time and was showing up everywhere. I made a list of the categories I wanted to put our ingredients into. It began with coffee.

I was able to get meetings with many coffee companies.  This somehow was easy and they were interested. Suddenly I was sending off samples for them to use in their coffee. Most of them were interested in CBD.  Our chemist’s formulation worked amazingly well. It was flavorless and odorless, which is essential when you are pitching to coffee companies that have spent a fortune on finding the right flavor. It also mixed evenly with their product.  Every company that received our samples was impressed.  My phone was ringing now. These companies had a lot of questions, and we worked hard to respond efficiently.  I felt amazing. I thought this is going to work with one of these companies.

Over the course of the next month, discussions with the coffee companies were going smoothly. Then the two worst things that could’ve happened did. The first was that our chemist, the one who was making all of this for these companies informed me that he was leaving our company. He also said that I should do the same. I was furious. I had done this for him.  The second thing that happened was the international pandemic, COVID.  It was not only on our shores but was killing people and it was now mandatory for all of us to wear masks.

As soon as COVID became a household name all my contacts in the coffee business stopped calling. They all said the same thing “We will reengage when this is over”.  We had been making a few sales in other states to smoke shops which dried up as well.   I didn’t know what to do. I panicked.  Had I been thinking clearly, I would have just grabbed samples and seen every doctor in Florida that would allow me in and just sell out the product. But I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was devastated that my idea was put on ice for the foreseeable future.

It is well known that COVID, in the beginning, caused many people to sink into depression.  I was nervous to leave the house. We had a new baby, and the news was intense when it came to the pandemic.  So, I did the worst thing, I stayed in my little basement office and tried to figure out a way to make this company work.

I tried everything from reaching out to any big-box store, to putting us on Alibaba.  We did make it to Alibaba, but we were not prepared for how well you must manage that. It is a full-time job that requires many people working on many different parts.  During this time the only people working on this venture were a marketer, someone they had hired to help with sales in Arizona, and me. That’s all we had. I was under pressure, not from the company, but I had a new baby and I needed an income. I began to spiral out of control.

Every morning I fed my mania with caffeine and then I locked myself in a small office from 7:30 am to 7pm.  As of this writing, I couldn’t tell you what we were doing then. But we were doing it for about 6 months.  I would come upstairs at night exhausted, frustrated and scared. This was a dangerous time for me.  My thoughts were unorganized. Not just with work but with regular household duties too. I ignored my wife and baby and was locked in my head until I passed out.  I was taking the benzodiazepines as prescribed, but I was also drinking quite a bit of wine at night. My wife and I were fighting constantly. I just wasn’t present and I couldn’t force myself to be in the moment. I was manic, exhausted, and once again my fight or flight mode was engaged.  It was a dark time.

Almost a year and half of working on this project and we had gotten nowhere. But then a miracle happened.  I was contacted by someone who represented a major television star.  The man who contacted me was her COO.  He contacted me via email saying that she (the television star) was interested in making a co-brand and “to reach” out to him as soon as possible.

Now I won’t tell you who this person is or what she does on television, but I will say that she markets for some of the largest food and beverage companies in the world. I wasn’t thinking that at the time, I just knew that an endorsement from her meant a turning point for the company.

The COO and I developed what seemed to be a good relationship. They were interested in CBD as an ingredient, should the laws allow it. He had us write and rewrite a pitch for this star. We went back and forth on this for months and I was making our marketer insane. (I was asking this poor guy to do one day turnarounds on a massive pitch deck.)  But I knew if we could get this to work, we would be able to make great strides.

By month 5 the COO called and said he had pitched it to his boss (the tv star) and that she loved it. He said he would send a term sheet later in the week. (A term sheet is something you receive prior to actual contract. It outlines the major points of the contract so there are no surprises.)

I remember it like it was yesterday. I received that term sheet, and I felt as though I had solved a world issue. It was surreal. All my planning and strategy was paying off. This could be huge.  In fact, if I was reading the “tea leaves” correctly, this could be a deal with one of the largest food and beverage companies in the United States. There was only one other annoying thought that popped into my head: I had been handed NDA’s (non-disclosure agreements) for every deal I had worked on in this CBD space. All except this one. This bothered me because most of the time NDA’s don’t mean much.  Most of the time they really aren’t necessary.  But if there ever was a deal that should have one…its this one. I found it curious.

That aside, I was on cloud 9.  I had one week of the most intense happiness I had ever felt.  My wife was happy and telling everyone (which she shouldn’t have done) and I felt like my life finally had some purpose. In my mind, I had done something incredibly hard. I was so proud of myself.  But it would last one week, and when that week ended, I would have my first true schizoaffective episode. My world was about to crumble.

My next entry will be about this schizoaffective episode. I will call it “schizoaffective sparring,” because as bad as it was, the “schizoaffective war” was a year away.